It's MY Journey, and I'm Taking My Time

Tonight I am thinking of my daughter.   My beautiful, sweet, loving, DRAMATIC daughter who wants nothing more than to be liked.   Almost to a fault. She's been having trouble with a neighbor friend.   They have been the best of buds for the past three years, but this summer, something is different.   There are hurtful words and actions, and Claire has shed many tears over this.   I, as her mother, am also struggling.   I want for my children to feel no pain, to be treated with love and respect, and to walk through life suffering as little as possible, so I am having a hard time understanding why we, and I mean GIRLS especially, can turn on one another so quickly.   It seems that we as women learn at such an early age that we have to become what others want us to be to be accepted.  We have to conform to the standards that OTHERS put on us to be accepted, rather than living by what our heart and head tell us is right. I know that I face this c...

Okay kids...so "project bendy" is kicking my everlovin' arse.   Found out on Friday that the MRI of my foot showed bone swelling and abnormalities....3 more weeks back in the boot.   A very old friend of mine has had a terrible tragedy in her life, and although we're not close like we once were, the sadness I feel for her is intense.   And...Jason and I have made some changes around our home that are going to change things for us a little, and I'm nervous.   (We're fine and very happy by the way....just some things we have had to address for the benefit of our kids and family.) No matter what it is....sickness, sadness, money, kids, injury etc. I am finding that life is full of so many things I can't control.  Sometimes my heart is full and I feel like nothing can touch me, and other times, I feel overwhelmed and confused.    Either way though, the total upside to "project bendy" is that I am dealing with it all in healthier and more constru...

So today my friend Michelle called me and said..."they changed the weekend of the race!"    WHAT????  Seems like for whatever reason, they have changed the Princess Half dates to Feb. 25-27.   Okay....I know it's only one week, but that is one week less for training!    The new time countdown is....T Minus 268 days.   Change...it's something I don't do well.   I'm a planner, I like order.   Change makes me nervous.   I don't like it.   It can really be anything too...from a change in a weekend itinerary to where they put my vitamin water at Costco.....I don't like when things aren't where/when I planned on them being.   I know it's silly, and really just shows inflexibility on my part, but it's part of who I am.   Maybe this can be a little summer side project for me.   To work on flexibility.    I want to become more pliable....more "bendy." It's done me well in certain areas, I mean, my kids are EXCE...

Today is Claire's birthday.   She's 8.   EIGHT!   Where does the time go?   It really seems like just yesterday that she was that pudgy happy little baby.    Sometimes I wish I could just put the brakes on the clock and hold each moment a little closer for a little longer. Funny I should be thinking this today.   It seems I'm always in a rush.   Gotta get this done, gotta do that.   Get to that finish line.....quick quick quick.   I'm afraid that mentality has gotten me into trouble once again.   I was released by my dr. to exercise at will when I saw him last week.   Take it easy....ease into it....that's what he said to me.    I did.   I "eased" (and I use that word loosely)  over the course of a week into 3+ miles, and today I can't walk.   Yup....rushing got me nowhere but back on restriction.   I need to slow down.   I need to listen.   I need to stop trying to hurry all the tim...

This has been a good week.   Lots of forward momentum.   Lots of feeling blessed, happy, peaceful, and lucky. I am out of the boot (mostly) and it FEELS GREAT!   I went on my first bike ride outside of my basement today, and they might have been the greatest 8 miles of my life.   It felt so good to be out enjoying the gorgeous day and feeling that I hadn't lost all the strength in my legs.   In fact....I think I did better from all that stationary biking I'd been doing for the past 4 weeks! I have also spent some time over the past several days being thankful for my life.   See, I had a friend lose her daughter this past week.   It made me terribly sad.   This girl had mitochondrial disease, the same disease that Andy has, only much much much more severe.  As my heart broke for her family, my heart also sang with joy that my son was so healthy and happy.   I'm lucky.   I have a good life.   I'm not gonna waste it. It giv...

I think my brain is trying to tell me something. I woke up irritated today.   I remember having all these dreams of failure and angst.   I was in a college French class (which by the way... I NEVER took) and apparently I have been skipping, because for whatever reason, I just find out that I have a 60 page paper due, like TOMORROW.   It's all stress and anxiety, and feeling like I have to drop the class, but that will mean I won't graduate..........    It all seemed so real, and I actually woke up feeling stressed and behind.   I know I DID actually graduate from college twice, so it's all perceived stress.   I figure my brain is trying to tell me something. Then I get up and check my calendar for the day on my phone, only to find out that my calendar didn't sync like it was supposed to with my new mobile me thing, and that set me off into another little tirade of angst and anxiety.   I was actually ready to give up on the whole e-calendar i...

I'm trying something new today in the spirit of "being me and being okay with that."   Today, I decided to NOT GO to my workout class.   Yeah...I know....newsflash, right?   Well, for me it's a really big deal.  I'm writing this now, as the alarm just went off on my Blackberry to remind me to go, and I know it's a done deal.   I'm officially playing exercise hookie!  (and guess what...the world didn't come to an end, no one showed up at my door to yell at me, and my coffee still tastes really good!) I decided last night that I needed a mental health day.   I needed a day not to worry about what I HAD to do, and instead am going to do what I WANT to do.   Workout class right now is upsetting to me, as I can't participate completely with the boot, so I decided to take today to get some rest (both mental and physical), to recharge my really drained batteries, get a few things done I feel like I've been neglecting around the house, and maybe to ...