Thursday, July 29, 2010

Self Worth Beats Net Worth!

Ding Dong....the BOOT IS GONE!   (I wish there was some way to notate sing songy voice in typing!  ha)

Yup, it's true.   The dreaded boot is gone from my life, and I have been given a 3 week trial from my doctor to see how I can do without it.   So Good!   I am trying to be responsible and "ease back" into my exercise, and I am so glad to not be lugging that extra bit of weight around with me.

However, my experience with all of this has gotten me to thinking.   Many of you who follow me on here have written and said that it isn't the end goal of finishing the race that makes me a princess, but the epiphanies that I've had and will have along the way that simply open the door for me to see what has perhaps always been there.   I'm beginning to see some merit to this way of thinking.

I have spent my entire life not giving myself credit, but instead tearing away at my own self esteem and sense of worth.    I sort of feel like I've been living with negative equity so to speak, but instead of negative equity in my car or my home.....I'm living in negative equity with myself.   Instead of making positive investments in myself by doing things that build me up, I have spent an inordinate amount of time making withdrawls against my self esteem by judging, comparing, and questioning my every move until I am operating on a negative balance of self value.

I am beginning to realize that throughout the past few months I think I've begun to turn that around a little.   Although the deposits haven't been monumental, I think they are starting to add up.   Those little bouts of self realization, however simple they may have been, have begun to rebuild my confidence and have in a way made me realize that for me to be the wife/mother/friend/human being that I want to be, I have to continue to invest in myself in a positive way.    All these seemingly small accomplishments, like losing a little weight, exercising, saying no, being sad when I need to be, taking time for myself, and resting when I need it are slowly but surely revealing the Princess within.

It may be a corny analogy, but it's working for me.   No more operating on credit.   I am cutting up that negative emotional charge card.  I have to continue to deposit positive energy and experiences into myself.   I feel stronger physically, yes, but also mentally and emotionally stronger than I have for a long while.   Even AFTER all these challenges that I was sure would ruin my plans.   So, I thank you all who have encouraged me.   I WILL continue to work and challenge myself, to sometimes stumble,  once in a while fall, and eventually succeed.

I'll keep you posted!  

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

90 Days and the Jury is still out.

90 days.   Tomorrow it will have been 90 days in the boot.   That is 3 months.   Too long.    Most things have a 90 day money back guarantee.   I'm not happy.   I want my money back.

What have I learned in those 90 days?  

1.   I have learned that wearing a boot is uncomfortable and hot.

2.   I have learned that I can continue to exercise even without the use of          my foot.

3.  I have learned that strangers feel compelled to ask you what happened and then share their own tales of woe.

4.  I have learned that things don't always go my way.

5.  Finally, I have learned that if you think you know better than your doctor, you are probably wrong.

I'm not sure what this means, but I feel like to keep true to my blog, I need to write it.   I have 2 more weeks with the boot before another checkup.    Then we decide if surgery is necessary.   My vote is no.   I am finding that my vote doesn't count often enough when it comes to this.  Unfortunately there is no customer relations department  or higher court to take this to.   I just have to deal.

This may compromise my goals for this coming year.   I'm trying to keep open to the idea that I might have to adjust my timeline, and not see that as a failure.    I'll keep you posted.  I was hoping to become a princess at 40.   Maybe I'll have to wait til 41.   We'll see.