Thursday, June 16, 2011

You are here.

Could I be okay here?

This is a question a friend asked me. "Tina...what if you woke up and realized there would be no more weight loss and no more physical challenges... Could you be happy here?" I want to say yes...of course, but I don't know that I have reached that level of self acceptance. I have been struggling a bit lately with all of this self discovery and have felt "stuck" in a rut, so my friends just asked. It's a simple question. Could you be okay here?

See all this time I have known a secret. I KNOW where nirvana is. It lies just below a number on a scale. Just under a size on clothing. Just below a measurement. We all say it and I am HoRRIBLY guilty of it..."my problems will be solved when I reach my goal." But you know what, I am finding more and more that my life is my life is my life no matter what the numbers, and the closer I get to my "nirvana" the more I see this idea as a fallacy.

Could I be okay here?

Here. Where I havent achieved all I have hoped for, but where my life is happy. Here where I might still desire to lose a little more, but my children are healthy? Here where I can't run a marathon, but where I have friends and family who love me unconditionally? Here where life isn't perfect and sometimes things just plain suck?

I would like to say yes, but this is an idea I am still working on. I am not content to live here in this place yet, but perhaps visiting until I am a little less shaky is okay.