Sunday, September 16, 2012
Well, since it was "spring" it was ice cream truck time. Every night at about 5:15 the truck would come by our house playing it's music that to me sounds like it belongs in a scary movie. Every night...5:15....and soon, Like Pavlov's dogs, that sound signaled to me that fussy time was almost upon us......and I would cry. Not because I hate Ice cream, but because that sound made me know that soon the chaos would be upon me.
Now....in the 10 years that have passed since then, I can once again hear that creepy song of summer without dread, but as I was feeling a little overwhelmed with parenthood today, I was suddenly reminded of that time when Claire was small.
I wish with all my heart that my kids could go through this world without feeling hurt or disappointment. I wish that they could get through life without having a broken heart, or friend be mean to them. I wish that school would always come easy and that they would always see the amazing things I see in them. I wish that I had the mommy super powers that would let them come through this life unscathed. But alas.....that can't happen.
I was talking with a friend recently (and you know who you are...) about how I feel almost as if I have failed as a parent somehow. Like that the troubles my kids have had, should somehow have been avoidable if only I had been more diligent a parent. Their struggles are so hard for me to witness, and I wish with all my heart that they could be avoided completely.
Well, this friend of mine, sent me a note today reminding me that I am a good and present parent to my kids, and that I am completely "invested" in my kids, which is a really good thing. I needed to hear that just then, because I felt like the ice cream truck was rounding the bend. And guess what, instead of sitting here like a ball of nerves waiting for the chaos to come....I loaded up my pretend grenade launcher and FIRED! Blew that damned truck completely out of my memory. We've had some stuff going on here the past week or so, and I had a choice to make. Roll over and wait for the chaos like I had no control, or take a stand and see that the things that my kids go through make them the amazing little people that they are, and will make them the amazing adults that I want them to be. I make the best choices I know to make, and that is all I can do.
There are always bumps. There will always be challenges, and no matter how much I want to control every moment, there will always be "fussy times" that I can't change. I can however make the best choices I for them that I see fit, and always be their soft place to land, while I hope for the best. My time hasn't been wasted, it has been an integral part of making these two humans into the caring, loving, compassionate creatures they are.
So....I'm not going to let that ice cream truck make me cry anymore. It had better be careful rounding my street, because I might just be waiting for it again....Fully Loaded.