It's MY Journey, and I'm Taking My Time

“I am the only person in my life who consistently gets in my way.” This thought has been flowing through my brain since yesterday. I had a particularly hard day yesterday, and sitting in my car with tears running down my cheeks after a tough experience at the gym, these words came into my head and have been playing over and over and over since.  And being who I am, I have been trying to figure out what the hell to do with the thought.   I was at the gym working with my trainer, and we are working on strengthening a shoulder injury I got through some unknown  means, and things were hard, and I was feeling weak and sorry for myself, and I suddenly felt all this emotion welling up through my soul.   It was visceral.   It was big.   And it caught me completely off guard.   I felt empty. It hit like the surf in the ocean, coming in waves, and it was all I could do not to succumb.    I felt my throat tighten, and my heart race, and the corners of my vision began to darken

My son came up to me and told me that he was fat.   For real. My son. And when I asked him where he got that idea he said that his "friends" told him that he had fat on his legs and that his muscles weren't hard.   For real.   He's 10.   AND he has mitochondrial disease.   AND he was born with all over hypotonia.   AND he had a tethered spinal cord.   For real.   His body has overcome all of this......And all he wants is to be skinny. When he was a baby the doctors told me that he might never walk.   They didn't know if his muscles could handle carrying the weight of his body.  There were days we weren't sure how long he'd even be with us. He starts soccer practice this week.   This boy who may have never walked, or even lived.   So I want to scream at these kids,  "HIS LEGS ARE FREAKING MIRACLES!   AND HE WILL NEVER HAVE HARD MUSCLES, BUT THE FACT THAT HE'S PLAYING SOCCER IS AMAZING! THE FACT THAT HE'S ALIVE AND THRIVING IS AMAZ