I think I can see the light.

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Okay kids...so "project bendy" is kicking my everlovin' arse.  

Found out on Friday that the MRI of my foot showed bone swelling and abnormalities....3 more weeks back in the boot.   A very old friend of mine has had a terrible tragedy in her life, and although we're not close like we once were, the sadness I feel for her is intense.   And...Jason and I have made some changes around our home that are going to change things for us a little, and I'm nervous.   (We're fine and very happy by the way....just some things we have had to address for the benefit of our kids and family.)

No matter what it is....sickness, sadness, money, kids, injury etc. I am finding that life is full of so many things I can't control.  Sometimes my heart is full and I feel like nothing can touch me, and other times, I feel overwhelmed and confused.    Either way though, the total upside to "project bendy" is that I am dealing with it all in healthier and more constructive ways.

#1.  Back in the boot....okay....so I can't train like I want.   I'm still riding my bike, eating well, and keeping the faith that I'll heal in time to meet my goal.  I'm pissed, but I'm admitting it, dealing with it, and moving forward.

#2.  Sadness over tragedy....I can't begin to imagine the hurt, pain, and loss that my friend is feeling, nor do I ever want to.   Instead of feeling sad and helpless I am trying to do something good for her, trying to ease the burden by raising some money for her family by rallying our graduating class to help her out.   Money can't buy back what she lost, but it can help with what is yet to come.

#3.  Changes at home....without going into too much detail (cuz after all, even though I am blogging, some things are still private.  ha)  Jason and I have decided to make some sacrifices to put ourselves first and to try to get ourself into a position to where we feel more comfortable.   I have made hard decisions without reservation, and with little guilt (can't quite let that one go completely), knowing that I am doing what is necessary right now.

So....who would have thought.   Me.....bendy.    Taking things as they come, dealing, and forging ahead.    It's definitely new territory for me.   I'm trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel, and keep it in my sights, rather than feeling that it is coming to run me over.   I'm proud of how I'm doing right now, even in the face of uncertainty.   I guess I'm adapting to my new way of doing things.   Hmmm.....not to bad.

Comments

  1. SamanthaJune 7, 2010 at 4:06 PM

    You are so cool! I love your whole bendy zone,lol. I'm also focusing on embracing life with more flexibility, with less of an idea of what should happen, and also with less upset when stuff does go awry. Not to say I don't feel what I feel, but I've been focusing on not dwelling so much, which has been my way in the past, lol.

    I am so sorry to hear tragedy has struck your friend. I'll be holding her in love and prayer. Let me know where I can make a donation, if you're accepting them from the general public.

    Anyway, it's great to hear your positive and grounded approach to things. And I'm glad to hear you are investing in yourselves more, personally and financially. You won't regret it.<3 to you!

    ReplyDelete

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