I think I'm failing French....

I think my brain is trying to tell me something.

I woke up irritated today.   I remember having all these dreams of failure and angst.   I was in a college French class (which by the way... I NEVER took) and apparently I have been skipping, because for whatever reason, I just find out that I have a 60 page paper due, like TOMORROW.   It's all stress and anxiety, and feeling like I have to drop the class, but that will mean I won't graduate..........    It all seemed so real, and I actually woke up feeling stressed and behind.   I know I DID actually graduate from college twice, so it's all perceived stress.   I figure my brain is trying to tell me something.

Then I get up and check my calendar for the day on my phone, only to find out that my calendar didn't sync like it was supposed to with my new mobile me thing, and that set me off into another little tirade of angst and anxiety.   I was actually ready to give up on the whole e-calendar idea because of this one little error (which by the way, I'm pretty sure was my fault).   I mean....how than things just not work?   How dare this computer not sync properly with my phone?  I was fairly certain again, that I was going to be screwed all week not knowing what I had ahead of me and this was going to be the ruin of my new managed life.   Can  you say irrational?   Yeah....again....I think my brain is trying to tell me something.  

No, I don't think it's telling me to quit or to give up, but rather to gain some true perspective.   I think with all that has been going on lately with my foot that I have seen this as a major setback in my training.   I don't feel like I'm getting in a good workout, I can't participate in the races I had planned on, and I generally feel like I've been rendered dead in the water.   I'm also fairly certain that without the extra effort, I'm going to gain 100 pounds, and fall backwards to where I started.   See, that's my problem.   Black and white.   No gray. So I'm guessing that's why my brain in on hyperactive duty trying to get out all my feelings at night or redirecting them towards inanimate objects.   Our dreams are a gateway to our thought patterns, and the dream I had and how it lead me to actually start my day on a negative note tells me I need to do a little overhaul on how I'm thinking.

The reality is, I'm still working out, just in a modified way, and I am still making forward progress.   I've been able to work a little more on the head games, rather than the physical game, and I generally feel good.   My foot doesn't hurt me so much I can't sleep, in fact, it's actually feeling good!   This is just a bump, not the be all and end all of my life.   Tomorrow will still come, and the reality is.....I still have PLENTY of time to complete that "60 page French paper" and to "sync my calendar."      

I really think I need to focus some time on "gray thinking."   On not looking at everything as either a success or a failure, and nothing else.   Sometimes it just is what it is...an irritation that will go away with time.   I'm not failing.   I'm just being.   Hurting my foot isn't my fault.   It just happened.   My phone actually did sync, I just didn't have the patience to wait to see the next screen.  I can't control the world.   (EEK!)  'Nuff said.