I’m Headed to Church

Today as I am sitting here in paradise I keep thinking about how  blessed I am.
People often say to me “you are SO LUCKY that you GET to travel as much as you do!”   And it’s true....I am.   I AM lucky.   And I used to be embarrassed about the travel we do, like people might think I was bragging or a show off.
But the truth is, we have chosen to live our life in a way that makes travel a priority.   We live a life we can afford so we can take these vacations, and share these amazing experiences with our kids.
Travel feeds my soul.    It makes me happy.   The ocean is my church.    Knowing when my next adventure is coming keeps me sane.
I am blessed to have a husband who also feels the same.
So I guess the message I want to share is, live your life in a way that feeds your passion, whatever it might be.   Feed your soul.   Go to “your church.”  Make what makes you feel whole a priority.   
Your adventures are important.   Your happiness is important.   
I guess that’s my message for today.  N…

Hi Dad....

Hi Dad.
Well, it’s been a year since you left.That almost seems incomprehensible to me.That it’s been a year since I heard your voice, or gave you a hug, or listened as you told a really bad joke….It seems impossible.
It seems impossible that for 365 days I have walked this planet without you to call on.
I miss you so much.
We’re all a year older, and so many little things have changed.The kids’ lives have changed, as have their interests.We’ve travelled some, and already have plans to take mom on some trips next year.Don’t worry, we aren’t leaving her at home.  We're getting her out.  :)
It’s been a bit of a challenge learning the new normal.We’ve all moved ahead, and although it seemed impossible a year ago, we had birthdays, and holidays, and dinners.We added a new baby…..and have ANOTHER coming soon.And through it all, we laughed, and we cried, but truly the laughter seems to be winning.
Even though we know you aren’t there, we visit your grave at the cemetery, and although f…

Sometimes a Reminder is All We Need

I started a journey 12 weeks ago.A journey for me.A journey to be the best me I can be.
And today I am struggling.I’m struggling because the world has gone crazy and I don’t understand what is going on.I am struggling because 12 weeks of success makes me worry about when the week with no success will come.I worry about my kids.I worry about my husband.I worry about my mom, and I miss my dad.My mind is racing.I’m worried, and scared, and because of this, I want to veer from my path.
All this time, my mind has been in a good place.My focus on what is important has been strong.Today I’m struggling.
For some reason, all the old fears have crept in a little tonight.The voice that doesn’t believe in me has reared it’s ugly head, and for a short time I have been listening.“This won’t last, it never does.”
But then I walked by the kitchen, and glanced in a pile of papers I needed to file, and I came upon this.

THIS, is a really important thing.
THIS is the biggest thing I have to celebrate from the…

It's about Darn Time.

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything.
I’m not sure if I have had nothing to say, or if I’ve just needed some time to heal from my Dad’s passing.But here I am again, typing out my thoughts and trying to make some sense of them.
When my dad passed away in January I was with him in those final days and hours and minutes, and although he was peaceful, I knew he wasn’t ready.And I think a small part of him was angry because he felt he was dying because of a choice that he had made to smoke all those years.He wasn’t ready to go, and he was angry he didn’t make changes in his life sooner to live a healthier, and longer life.
I miss him.
And one day I woke up and I realized that I was doing exactly what my dad was angry about.I was dealing with my grief and sadness by eating and drinking my feelings away.I was making a choice to do things to my body that would most likely shave time off my life.I looked at my kids, and I looked at my husband, and I knew that I didn’t want this.I do…
This is what I wrote and read at my dad's funeral on Jan. 31, 2017.  I miss you every day dad.   I know they say it will get easier, but I'm just not seeing that yet.   
My dad was a builder.
And I say that, not in the sense he was a carpenter, although we all know he loved working with wood.I can’t look in any room of my house without seeing something he created.From Claire’s American Girl doll bed, to my grandfather clock, to the glider in my guest room, I see his handiwork everywhere.And in fact he is being buried in a metal casket because it pained him to think of all that beautiful wood going to waste.His feeling is that it was better used to create a thing of beauty than to be buried in the ground.
What I mean by him being a builder, is that he could take the pieces of things and make something beautiful.
He built our family with my mom.I don’t know many families like ours, and I contribute so much of that to the wa…

What makes me full....

I’ve thought a lot about my heart lately.
It has four chambers.It pumps blood throughout my body supplying oxygen and nutrientsto my tissues to sustain my life.In it’s most basic scientific function….it is what keeps me alive. But if you look beyond science to the essence of the heart, it represents to me so much more.   It is where my soul resides.   Where I love.    Where I hurt.   And where MY very being resides.   It’s sounds a little hokey, I know….but it’s what I believe.
I have recently had some tough days.Days where I need to fall back on what I know to be true, that I am a good person who deserves happiness, and love, and compassion….
And what I have realized, is that I think my heart is leaking.
Inside my heart, I store not only my love for those in my life, but also my love for myself, and some time ago, I think the chamber that houses my own self compassion and love, has slowly begun to leak away.It wasn’t damaged, or broken, or stolen from me….it just began to slowly see…