It's MY Journey, and I'm Taking My Time

I think my brain is trying to tell me something. I woke up irritated today.   I remember having all these dreams of failure and angst.   I was in a college French class (which by the way... I NEVER took) and apparently I have been skipping, because for whatever reason, I just find out that I have a 60 page paper due, like TOMORROW.   It's all stress and anxiety, and feeling like I have to drop the class, but that will mean I won't graduate..........    It all seemed so real, and I actually woke up feeling stressed and behind.   I know I DID actually graduate from college twice, so it's all perceived stress.   I figure my brain is trying to tell me something. Then I get up and check my calendar for the day on my phone, only to find out that my calendar didn't sync like it was supposed to with my new mobile me thing, and that set me off into another little tirade of angst and anxiety.   I was actually ready to give up on the whole e-calendar i...

I'm trying something new today in the spirit of "being me and being okay with that."   Today, I decided to NOT GO to my workout class.   Yeah...I know....newsflash, right?   Well, for me it's a really big deal.  I'm writing this now, as the alarm just went off on my Blackberry to remind me to go, and I know it's a done deal.   I'm officially playing exercise hookie!  (and guess what...the world didn't come to an end, no one showed up at my door to yell at me, and my coffee still tastes really good!) I decided last night that I needed a mental health day.   I needed a day not to worry about what I HAD to do, and instead am going to do what I WANT to do.   Workout class right now is upsetting to me, as I can't participate completely with the boot, so I decided to take today to get some rest (both mental and physical), to recharge my really drained batteries, get a few things done I feel like I've been neglecting around the house, and maybe to ...

Sometimes I try so hard to be something else.   Something better, thinner, happier, more positive, more successful, you name it.   I try so hard to change.   It's almost as if I fight until I have little left for anything else. I am sitting up on a Sunday night, planning my week.   What do I have to do?  What are my goals.   What do I want to accomplish this week.   It seems like I always look at it as "this week I will do better at....."  fill in the blank.   Why do I have to "get better," and why do I always feel this compulsion to fix something about myself. I wonder what will happen if I set up this coming week as a new experiment for myself.   I'm going to try to just say..."This week, I am what I am.   That's all, and that's okay."  I'm going to try to live my life on autopilot for at least this week.   To back off of the pressure to "do better" and to try to just experience life with the changes I've already ...

I'm mad.   Today....I'm mad.  I can't give you a good reason, except that i may very well being throwing an internal temper tantrum.   I'm not getting what I want when I want it, and I'm MAD about it.    i had my training class today, and for the first time this boot really got in my way.   I wasn't able to work out with "my girls."   My trainer, Mandy, made such a great effort for me.   She kept me busy working upper body and truly worked my arms until they felt like spaghetti.  (In fact, typing is a little hard right now.)  I wasn't able to participate in the lower body workout that everyone else was doing.   I still got a good workout in, still burned calories, and still stayed on track to ultimately fulfilling my goal, but it's not happening MY WAY.  You see, this change in direction wasn't part of my master plan.   It's messing with my personal timeline, and it is making me MAD! I am going to let myself be a littl...

I've been thinking today about gratitude.   What am I grateful for, and how can this help me in my journey to becoming a princess, or can it?   Sometimes I wonder if things in our life that annoy us, or that cause us to change our path midstream aren't so much nuisances, but rather things we should be thankful for. Example....when I was pregnant with Andy (my 2nd born) our insurance changed through Jason's work.   I thought this was going to be the end of me.   I had done my research.   I had the best pediatrician for Claire, and he was going to be Andy's.   I had found the best obstetrician when I was pregnant with Claire, and I was going to have him deliver Andy as well.   Neither of these fine doctors were on our plan.  I was forced to find a doctor that was on our much smaller, much more limited plan for physicians.   I was certain that I  was going to have to settle for second best.   As it turns out, it was a little miracl...

Okay, so yeah, I'm gung ho.   Ready for this.  Wanna get started.......... and THIS is what the doctor springs on me today after a visit and x-rays.   Yeah, I knew I had hurt something, but wasn't really expecting to be "booted up" for the next several weeks.  Seems I may have broken something.   All those years when I was a kid and I wanted nothing more than to have a cast on my leg like Kelly Koziell did after her ski trip to Colorado.   I had NO IDEA how annoying the whole thing would be. This will definitely change my ideas of how to get started.   I have to wonder if this is the universe's way of getting me to really focus on health and my wellbeing instead of racing ahead full steam. I can use my stationary bike (as long as it doesn't hurt), swim, and Mandy has suggested Yoga.   Rest isn't something I am good at.   I don't like being idle, so this will be a challenge, but perhaps becoming the princess is about more than wearing th...

So, here I am, trying to document a goal that I have made to myself that I can complete the Disney World Princess Half Marathon in March of 2011.   To some this might not seem like a lofty goal, but for me, it's passing my comfort zone and jumping into the great beyond of the unknown.   I am not an athlete (or at least I have never thought of myself as one), up until recently I wasn't active or terribly interested in changing my life.   This for me, is a really big deal.   I have started and stopped exercise programs so many times, so when I started training with Mandy (a.k.a. the trainer) and a bunch of other ladies at the Liberty Community Center, I didn't know how long I would hang on.   It all started in Sept. of 2009, and here I am in April of 2010 setting this goal for myself.   I had mentioned it once in a class setting, and everyone got really excited about it.   "Yeah, we can do that"  "I'm SO in."   These were the things that were ...