Holy CRAP! I'm an ATELOPHOBIAC!

Last week was a toughie.   

I did something that made me stumble a little, and for starters….I have to thank you all.   I received more response to that particular post than any other I have written.   I think it struck a chord with so many of you.   Maybe your struggles aren’t the same as mine, but we all fight the battle of being good enough.

And from that thought I began doing some research, which has lead to the internet, which has lead to some self diagnosis.  (oh dear LORD she’s been reading again!)   Are you ready???

MY NAME IS TINA, AND I AM AN ATELOPHOBIAC. 

I say this in jest, but dang, who wouldda thunk?   There is actually a PHOBIA of not being good enough, and frankly, I’m beginning to think most everyone I know suffers from it a little. 

It makes sense really.   We live in a world of competition.   We are taught from an early age that winning matters.   It gets the glory, the trophies, and the accolades.   There is always competition, be it sporting, professional, or personal.   We want the medal.   We want the promotion.   We want the perfect relationship.  And in that endeavor, we have created images of what success looks like, through the media, and more importantly in our own minds.   And if we don’t achieve these things, we somehow are lacking….not good enough.

Striving for more isn’t the problem, it ‘s the “image” we have created for ourselves of winning that might be.  If all we were looking for was to achieve our personal best, then I’d be telling a different story right now, but what I’m coming to realize is that we aren’t looking for PERSONAL bests sometimes, but we are looking to be THE BEST.   Better than everyone else.   And that’s where the conflict hits.

At what point in our lives to we reach “good enough?”  

I’m not suggesting that we should stop trying, or stop wanting to become a better version of ourselves, but at what point can we find contentment with where we sit.   When can we look around ourselves and say….”Yup….my life is good, and if nothing changes in it ever again, I will pass on with contentment in my heart?” 

I’m working on that.   I hope to find that part of myself that can recognize the beauty in my life, without connecting it directly to where I would like to be.   I’ve had people for years tell me if I can accept where I am and be happy, that the struggle would be much less, and I think that they might be right. 

I would like to change a few things, but nothing I want changed about myself makes a lick of difference in WHO I AM.   I am a good mother, a good friend, and a good person no matter what I weigh, eat, or how much I exercise.   I have great kids, and great husband, and a really nice home.   I am blessed.    That should be enough.

Making those changes that have recently played such a strong role in my desire for “enough,”  should be the cherry on top of my life, not the things that define it.

So, I am hereby beginning the recovery process from Atelophobia.   And I think that perhaps the way to do that is to accept that today, sitting here in my pink plaid pajama bottoms with my hair in a ponytail and my glasses on, I am worthy of happiness.   I am good enough.    And if I never lose another pound, or never win a race, never keep my house as clean as my neighbor, or eat an occasional piece of pizza….I can be happy.   I will most likely never look like a supermodel, or those women on the cover of Shape magazine, and I may never reach that magical number.  But....As long as I attempt to always be the best version of ME that I can be….I am enough.

I'd rather be the ME today, who is working on acceptance, than the ME of last week who fell apart because she couldn't recognize anything but what she thought she hadn't achieved.  

I AM ENOUGH.   Take THAT Atelophobia!   Take THAT!