Hi Dad....

Hi Dad.

Well, it’s been a year since you left.   That almost seems incomprehensible to me.   That it’s been a year since I heard your voice, or gave you a hug, or listened as you told a really bad joke….   It seems impossible.

It seems impossible that for 365 days I have walked this planet without you to call on.  

I miss you so much.

We’re all a year older, and so many little things have changed.  The kids’ lives have changed, as have their interests.   We’ve travelled some, and already have plans to take mom on some trips next year.   Don’t worry, we aren’t leaving her at home.  We're getting her out.  :)

It’s been a bit of a challenge learning the new normal.   We’ve all moved ahead, and although it seemed impossible a year ago, we had birthdays, and holidays, and dinners.   We added a new baby…..and have ANOTHER coming soon.   And through it all, we laughed, and we cried, but truly the laughter seems to be winning.   

Even though we know you aren’t there, we visit your grave at the cemetery, and although for some, that may be sad, we argue over who gets the plots next to you and mom, and we plan to take lawn chairs and bbq to “ stake our claim.”   Morbid?   Maybe to some, but you know us.... always on the verge of not being appropriate....    I may or may not have pictures of Jamie laying down out there to "try it out..."  haha.

We made mementos for everyone with pieces of your shirts, and as mom and I worked on them, we continually smelled them, because I swear, there was still a memory to be inhaled.  

We try to take good care of mom.    But she’s really doing okay.    I’m sure you hear her curse you every once in a while, but it’s just because she misses you.   Oh, and you sort of had a bonkers filing system…..but we got it. 

Oh, and I’m sorry about the playboys.    But know that the prisoners who sorted the recycling that week, had a REALLY good week.   

As for me, well, I have had to do a little growing too.    I decided I wanted to be healthy and live a long time.   Seeing your life end before you were ready to letgo, inspired me to try to be there as long as I could for MY kids.  I was making choices that weren’t healthy for me, and that had to stop.   So I’m starting this year down 50 pounds and with much healthier habits.  I guess you inspired me to be better.....

You and mom have always been like two pillars holding us all up.   And losing you made it feel like our world was toppling.    But you know what?   A year later, and we are still standing.   We’ve all assumed some new family “duties” but we are all still happy and doing well.

It’s been a year.    And every day I think of you.    Every day I talk to you.    Every day I wish you were still here.

I hope you hear me when I talk to you.   And thanks for the messages I truly believe you have sent.

I miss you Dad.    Always.

Love you.

Tina