The kiss that awakened the Princess...

I have had a few weeks since the race to look back at this journey and to reflect on where I have come from, the roads I have taken, and the landing spot that I have found.   I went on a WONDERFUL vacation with my family, and in the relaxation and peace that only comes with sitting by a vast ocean, do I feel that I have found a little clarity.

When I started out to make this half marathon experience happen, I think that I thought it would be life changing.   I'm not sure WHY I thought this exactly, but I think on some level I thought that perhaps I would end up with all the answers to all the questions that have plagued me for the past several years.   But really, that didn't happen.   I started this journey with big grand gestures and feelings of pride and happiness, and I wanted to declare to the entire world that I was going to DO this.   It was fireworks.   Big. Loud.   Showy.   Grand.

After the race was over I found myself in a quiet place, and not really knowing what to think.   Certainly about as opposed to my starting point as I could find myself, and it was very confusing to me.  I thought that fireworks of celebration would come at the end, and that suddenly the sky would open up, and clarity that only a Princess could have would come to me.   Ha.   It's a pretty comical thought when you really look at it that way.

What I realize now is that becoming a Princess isn't about wearing a tiara and running a race and having all the answers.   It's about changing my life and becoming the person I want to be.  

I am still not satisfied with my weight and appearance.   So...I'll keep working on that.   I still have days where I want to throw in the towel.  So...I'll keep pushing myself to continue.   I still find myself wondering how I ended up where I was.     So...I'll try to find peace with my past, after all it DID lead me to where I am now.    I still spend too much time shaming myself and pulling myself down.   So...I'm gonna continue to spend more time trying to build myself up.

When I look back over this past year, I realize all that I have done, and I am thankful for the support and encouragement that I have gotten from all of you along the way.   I have had setbacks in injury, broken bones, and boots.    I have had fear, sadness, and grief.  

However, there have been MANY more positive accomplishments.   I have completed my first 10k and HALF MARATHON and done it in the time set out.   I have overcome adversity and continued to move ahead.    I have become healthier.   I am happier.   I am showing my children through example what it means to live a healthier life.   I have accomplished something that I NEVER thought was physically or mentally possible for me.   I have realized that I have a support system that is greater than I had ever imagined.   I have also seen that by sharing my own journey I was in a small way inspiring others.  I have grown so much.

Do I feel like a Princess?   No, not really.    I think that awakening in myself the part of me that CARES about ME is what this journey was about.   So maybe the race and the journey leading to it was just the kiss from the Prince that brought me back to life after many years of being in the dark.

Thank you for coming along on this ride.   I intend to keep writing, and will indeed put it out there if you care to read it.   The thing I've realized is that the journey will continue.....at least for a while.......and no matter WHAT happens, I CHOOSE to live happily ever after.