It's MY Journey, and I'm Taking My Time

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything. I’m not sure if I have had nothing to say, or if I’ve just needed some time to heal from my Dad’s passing.    But here I am again, typing out my thoughts and trying to make some sense of them. When my dad passed away in January I was with him in those final days and hours and minutes, and although he was peaceful, I knew he wasn’t ready.    And I think a small part of him was angry because he felt he was dying because of a choice that he had made to smoke all those years.    He wasn’t ready to go, and he was angry he didn’t make changes in his life sooner to live a healthier, and longer life. I miss him. And one day I woke up and I realized that I was doing exactly what my dad was angry about.    I was dealing with my grief and sadness by eating and drinking my feelings away.     I was making a choice to do things to my body that would most likely shave time off my lif...

I’ve thought a lot about my heart lately. It has four chambers.    It pumps blood throughout my body supplying oxygen and nutrients   to my tissues to sustain my life.    In it’s most basic scientific function….it is what keeps me alive. But if you look beyond science to the essence of the heart, it represents to me so much more.   It is where my soul resides.   Where I love.    Where I hurt.   And where MY very being resides.   It’s sounds a little hokey, I know….but it’s what I believe. I have recently had some tough days.    Days where I need to fall back on what I know to be true, that I am a good person who deserves happiness, and love, and compassion…. And what I have realized, is that I think my heart is leaking. Inside my heart, I store not only my love for those in my life, but also my love for myself, and some time ago, I think the chamber that houses my own self comp...

Nobody warned me this would be so hard.    Growing up.    It’s hard. I watch my children change on a daily basis it seems.    One entering high school for the first time tomorrow.    Filled with excitement, and wonder, and terror all at once.    My worry for her is being happy.    Finding her place.    Knowing without a doubt that she is a good person, worthy of love and happiness.    That no matter who is “popular” that she is VALUABLE.     A much more important and powerful adjective. The second….my boy.    Starting 7 th grade.    I have very strong protective feelings for him.    They told us he may not walk, or talk, or thrive.    And he did them all.    He’s smart, and funny, and happy.     I want him to see that his quirkiness is a gift.    That his focus is an asset, and his contribution to th...

This past weekend I was sitting in my driveway at a firepit, and my neighbor’s daughter (who is 14) was there and we were talking.    We were having a conversation about school, and social media, and friendship, and Homecoming, and more.     This girl is amazing, and she is one of my favorite people.    So much so, that I spent a night with my adult friends, talking mostly to her.   And she had a lot to say…..some incredibly funny, and some pretty serious, and some that really made me think. I was telling her something my eighth grade daughter had said to me about not wanting to do anything to embarrass herself that would follow her to high school.    And my young friend exclaimed “I KNOW!!    I COMPLETELY AGREE!”      And I tried to impart my adult wisdom to her saying something like “be yourself” or whatever.    And here is what she said… “I know it seems that way.    But I ...

I went to the gym today. Again. It’s been a while.    And I always feel a little dread when I know a workout is going to be hard.    But I went.    AGAIN.   And even though I haven’t been in a while it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t go back.    That even though I have gained a little or lost a little or whatever, that no matter what, no matter how long has passed, no matter how much I know it might suck, I ALWAYS go back. And   I had a little light bulb moment that has been brewing in my head for a while. I belong to a great gym.    Anytime Fitness in Liberty is awesome.    I love the staff, my trainer who I have been with for several YEARS is there and he rocks.    I have friends I can always count on for a hello when I am there…..    It’s great.    And I have very little to complain about except this. Before and Afters.    Corporate gyms alwa...