It's MY Journey, and I'm Taking My Time

What if the only resolution you make is to love yourself more..... It's that time of year again.    Diet plan commercials are overtaking the television.   People all over are talking about how THIS year is going to be THE year where it will all come together.  Weight will be lost, better food will be eaten, major, life altering changes will be made.   Really.    THIS year, it WILL happen. I quit making resolutions many years ago.   I found that they quickly became something else that I was able to "fail" at.   I rarely followed through on what it was that I was trying to accomplish.     And one year I realized that every year I was making the exact same resolutions......so I decided to stop trying to change at the beginning of each new year, and instead tried to do my best throughout the year so that I could look back each New Year's Eve without regret. ...

I have had a hard time writing lately.   I think it’s because I have had so many thoughts going through my mind, and I haven’t been able to organize them into a coherent post on anything.   I’ve started and stopped several times, but end up walking away knowing that I have a lot to say, and frustrated by the block. I’m hoping to break through that today.    So hang on….it's a personal story, and one I have wrestled with sharing, so read on at your own risk.   :) Let me preface this by saying that I have a GREAT life.   I have a wonderful husband, great kids, and friends I can count on.   I laugh a lot, I have lots of love in my life, and a warm safe home to live in.   I grew up in a happy home with parents who loved me.   There was no abuse.   My parents are STILL married.   There wasn’t lots of crime where I grew up.   I have had, and continue to ha...

I know a lot of people in this month of November are doing the “gratitude project” where every day you say something you are grateful for in your life.   I love this.   I love seeing what everyone says.   However, I have decided on my own project for November, and it all stems from some thoughts that I have been thinking for a while.  Here’s the back story… My daughter is 10.    She is in 5 th grade.   And she came home last week in tears, because the boys on the bus told her she was fat.   My son is 8.  He’s in 3 rd grade, and he came home a few weeks ago asking if his calf had baby fat on it, because someone in his class told him that he was carrying baby fat.  Having been a round child myself, I know the pain that comes with words like this.   I know I have written before about the words I remember as child from kids I went to school with.   I am 42 years old...

Claire was born on May 19th.   In Wisconsin, this ALMOST counts as spring, but the night she was born we had a hard freeze.   Anyway...once we got home with her, every night around 5:30 was her fussy time.    For those of you who have kids, you know this can be the most stressful time of the day as you anticipate what is coming.   A crying, uncontrollable baby that you can do nothing with, but listen to her cry. Well, since it was "spring" it was ice cream truck time.   Every night at about 5:15 the truck would come by our house playing it's music that to me sounds like it belongs in a scary movie.   Every night...5:15....and soon, Like Pavlov's dogs, that sound signaled to me that fussy time was almost upon us......and I would cry.   Not because I hate Ice cream, but because that sound made me know that soon the chaos would be upon me. Now....in the 10 years that have passed since then, I can once again hear that creepy song of summer witho...

Do you remember in algebra class when you were adding up letters to get number answers?   That crap never really made sense to me.   Letters and numbers are like apples and oranges....totally different, and totally NOT the same.  For all you mathematics peeps out there, I know...it's necessary....it DOES make sense (sort of) but I still can't comprehend the need to mix two completely different things all for the sake of finding the answers.  I'm a theatre major....I flunked algebra three times in college and had to settle for "Concepts of Math Thought." Now....where am I going with this?   Well.....I realized something this week, and that is that I was trying to use the properties of algebra when calculating my weight and it's direct relationship to my own self esteem.   Somehow I have been living a long time with the equation for success being.... Ideal Body weight = Happiness It's a simple property.   Easy to understand.   SUPER easy t...

Eight years ago, on July 8, my son was born.   He is an amazing, handsome, funny, smart, and loving little man, and I have learned so much from him.   Things he probably doesn't even know or understand, but things that I have carried with me and will continue to do so forever. And why you might ask, have I chosen this time to write about him?  Because for the past week or so I have been really emotional, and sometimes close to tears.   (In fact today at the gym, I was almost in tears on the elliptical trainer for no apparent reason..and for a second I thought I was losing it!!  ha!)  I was wondering if I was having a break, when I realized that it was July...the anniversary of his birth, and in many ways, this month will always be a reminder of what we went through with him, and what a wonderful place of peace we have found.  And I need to take it as a reminder of what I have tried to take away from our experiences.....and hopefully share with...

What does it mean to be the best?   I've had this conversation with so many people that it's a little mind numbing.   I am a perfectionist.   You wouldn't necessarily know this about me when you walk into my life.   My house isn't immaculate,  I have piles of stuff to go through, and my bed isn't always made.   When it comes to my personal goals and desires though....the bar is pretty high.  I often set expectations for myself that I would never hold anyone else to. I used to believe that being the best meant being in front and leading the pack.   If I was finding myself anywhere behind that point...I felt that I had failed.  When I was running, I was always pushing to try to better my time and move closer to the front of the pack, even though my body wasn't built for what I was putting it through.   When I was watching what I ate....I gave up everything that was "bad" and only had safe and nutritious foods in my pantry.  I woul...