It's MY Journey, and I'm Taking My Time

Before and After.    There's a deceptive magic in those three little words.    And I am realizing, they are words that have haunted me for a while. Before.    In the health and fitness industry, before is the sad faced woman in an outfit a   size too small, wearing no makeup, and glaring at the camera.    Her hair is stringy, and usually in a ponytail.   She's clearly unhappy with where she is in her life.    She would never smile, and in fact, she might not even have the confidence to look directly into the camera.   After, is the same woman with great posture, a tan, great lighting, and a great outfit.    She is smiling, no....BEAMING at the camera.    She has great makeup, and her hair is perfect.    The image is flawless.    She's achieved.    She's won.    Everyone can SEE how much better her life is now.    After.     It's a place you go win you succeed.   And to get there, you should really LOOK the part.   This thinking makes me sad.   

In recognition of Mitochondrial Disease Awareness Week, I wanted to share a little bit about Andy’s story.    Some of you have been around since the beginning of his story, some of you haven’t and only know him now.   Either way, he’s a fighter.    And we are ALL lucky to have him in our lives. Andy was born July 8, 2004.    He was three weeks early, but still arrived weighing 7lb. 11oz. and 21 inches long!    We were induced, because my blood pressure was a mess, but all went well.    He was a beautiful little man. All I can tell you though, is that from the beginning, I just KNEW something was not right.    Call it mother’s intuition, call it voodoo, call it whatever you like, but I knew.    He cried…ALL the time.    And I know what colic looks like, but this baby cried if he was awake.    He puked…EVERYTHING.    And from here, it progressed. Within a few weeks, he was choking when he ate.    He aspirated.    He stopped breathing.     It’s hard to say this about you

I need help with something.   Why when something doesn’t go our way, or work in our favor do we immediately search for an inherent deficit in ourselves that is the reason? Why do we do this to ourselves? And I am not just talking about myself.    I am speaking about most women that I know.    I am speaking about my 11 year old daughter who is already blaming herself for things beyond her control.     I am talking about the beautiful friends I have who think that if they just change something in themselves, that bad things will cease to happen.   I am talking about women, men, and kids.... Why do we do this?    Why do I?    Why do you? Wouldn’t it be freeing to just accept that sometimes things don’t work out in our favor.    This isn’t the universe working against us.    This isn’t because we are fat, or ugly, or thin, or stupid.    It just IS…what it IS.    Sometimes things will come in their own time, and sometimes they won't.   But it sure as hell isn't

I preface this writing with a note for you….in case this is confusing in anyway.    Sometimes I talk about “parts” of myself like they are separate from me.    It makes it easier for me to separate from them, but could potentially make you think I have multiple personalities.   Ha!    Not the case…..it’s just a process for me.    So with that minor explanation….I will proceed. I had a visitor tonight.    While I was beginning to pack up for my vacation in a few days, I realized that there had been someone banging on my mental door all day.    And once I realized who was there, I had a hard time telling her to leave.   See, we are leaving in a few days for Hawaii.    If you know me, you know this is one of my favorite places on the face of the planet and when I am there, I reach a place of Zen.    It’s my happy place.    It’s a place where I just genuinely find my peace.    So all week, I have been excited to pack.    To get ready to go.    And then today, I woke up with a